ONE WAY CONNECTiON --->

There’s a dull ring. No answer.
Instead there’s a perfect voice. A recording on the other end.
Each time I pretend that it’s words are meant for me.
Completely aware that it’s purpose is to speak to the world.
I have a conversation with the non existent soul in my mind.
Place the device back on the hook and grumble.
Imagination interrupted by reality.
-JessicaLynn Wicks

MR. LETTER WRiTER

I slowly read his letter, the one I once loved. His words sent a remorseful surge through my entirety. I was the root of pain. Ignorance can make us evil, like the bully in a schoolyard. I had stolen his heart and was ignorantly unable to understand the feelings of the deprived. But now it is clear. Now I understand. But you see if he asked for his heart back my clenched fist wouldn’t be capable of releasing it. [[Selfish & Complicated]] I once loved another. He filled my heart with ache and pain that I had never before felt. A pain I wish I could cease with a Band-Aid. I branded myself with his name, assured it entitled me to his love for eternity. [[Reality Check]] He vanished before the eyes relayed the news to my brain & heart. But the Letter Writer was quite different. Respect and love is all that seeped from his soul and I believe he genuinely loved me. Actions speak louder than that noise generated from the vocal chords. [{Words]] He was a personification of genuineness and honesty. Why didn’t I understand that before? Blind to greatness. This letter was filled with his virtue and only revealed what I had been missing. But he used the word never. Never would we ever be together again. But you see, even upon the first time reading this I was in disbelief. In denial of the fact that we would never again have the opportunity to try again. And denial still exists. But he was right about the nature of love. I will love he who has been branded onto my skin and heart. But I have come to understand that we will have many loves in our lifetimes. But love is never enough. It takes much more. The ability to understand has comparable importance. The Letter Writer is capable of what many are not. He does understand me. He understands because he wants to understand. But never will I wander back to the hurt that lies within the other. I have learned to love myself. A relationship with him and loving myself cannot coexist. The Letter Writer believes that we have a friendship but I see so much more. Forever I will have love for the author. The writing of a letter, in and of itself speaks to why. So I may not have his whole heart but I do have a piece of it. I refused to give it back to Mr. Letter Writer. Only when he gives the piece of mine that he holds with his be rightfully returned. We’re even. Love reciprocated.

::LET'S PLAY PRETEND::

[[M.I.A]] School is definitely consuming my soul, meaning my online notebooks have been bare. [[YiKESS]] Nonetheless I'm back. I have some [[VENTING]] to do. The snow globe [[MiNNESOTA]] where I temporarily dwell is a producer of my unhappiness. I haven't even been content in quite some time. I'm a great pretender. I woke up one day last week and decided to take the stupid mask off. I wish I could run away & never look back. Unfortunately, they planned on me coming to my senses. They handed me a leash upon arrival. The people are eerily unlikable. I count the number of "friends" I have on my hand. [[That word is used loosely]] Most are only there to make the time lapse. Not even the education is feeding my hunger for knowledge. Starved but the only being served is educational asparagus. I hate asparagus. Makes your pee smell funny. I have to jet. I'm looking at other schools to transfer to but it's complicated to say the least. With three more classes I will have finished my major & I'm only a sophomore [[HiSTORY]] So is leaving worth it? [[YES]] Shit to figure out...
<3 JessicaLynn

:: i <3 LORRAiNE SCHWARTZ ::

Disclaimer: I am a Lorraine Schwartz fan, rather than one of Beyonce . She is the designer of "Sasha Fierce's" Robot Glove. The designer, honored to have Beyonce as part of her cliental, slaved away to make the piece, working her artisans for 24 hours a day until it was complete. Here's some info on the making of it and the glove its self:
• It's made of Titanium
• It fits literally like a glove. Beyoncé’s entire upper arm was cast in wax so that the titanium piece would wrap perfectly.
• It’s actually several pieces, including a ring, a glove and a separate component that covers the upper arm. It can be worn all together or separately.
• It looks heavier than it is. Titanium is about 45 percent lighter than steel.

While I find no flaws with the glove in and of itself, I do find a problem in the description that I found of the glove. It included these things that i shared but also attempted to convey that the glove was "priceless because it is made out of titanium, an extremely rare metal." I couldn't help but immediately laugh. While Beyonce's glove may be a priceless accessory, Titanium is FAR from rare or priceless. Obviously, in someone's efforts to share how "cool" Beyonce's glove was they forgot their third grade science. Titanium is actually bought and sold everyday, and is used in large quantities to make everyday products like hammers and pens.

Nonetheless, I think that it's an amazing piece of jewelry and extremely creative. I do credit Beyonce for producing the concept of the glove. This is sheer genius & she was beyond successful in her attempts to accessorize her alter ego. It would be sick if Schwartz decided to come out with a line where she sold a limited number of these. Perhaps even a number as small as fifty. Undoubtedly, I would sell my soul for one. Looking at her jewelry pretty much keeps my heart beating. =]
<3JessicaLynn

::AN OVERDOSE DEMiSE::

Her alarm clock: a foreign machine.
It faintly whispered an irritating “beep”
Never missed a bit.
Uninvited IV’s made homes in her arms.
It looked as though they rang the bell.
Without awaiting an answer they stormed in.
Perhaps then,too late, she noticed their evil.
But she brought "fists to a gun fight"
Strange colored bruises bizarrely somehow appeared beautiful.
Perhaps because they were not the worst of her battle scars.
Swallowing and taking a shallow breath she discovered tubes.
Infinite tubes.
They befriended both my throat and nose.
No.
Not me.
She.

She came to examine her attire.
A long white gown with deep turquoise emblems.
Not one that she could personifying beauty in,
although dressed for the occasion.
Not by choice.
Fear: a soul’s appearance after approaching the gates of death.
and trudging back to those of life.
I was contented by the cold mirror-less room.
No.
Not me.
She.

It was not then that pain befell her.
Her mind wandered to those she loved.
It came to him.
He who she found a love, deep rooted for within.
Her finger tips, addicts.
Evident symptoms of withdraw.
They wandered, only to meet air.
Yearning to have his hand in hers.
Those brown eyes look to the chair, there next to her.
There he sat.
His eyes locked on hers, sealed so tight.
Hoped he could read what was in her soul.
Only her imagination played tricks through her eyes.
An empty room.
I was alone.
No.
Not me.
She.

Seconds in her life passed.
But those turned to minutes.
Minutes to hours.
Then those to days.
She had nearly lost her life, drowned by man’s evil potion.
Remained a float in the chaos that surrounded her.
Beings in long white coats spoke words she did not hear.
Machines gave and took from her body but she did not feel.
Her eyes just remained locked on the device that lay on the stand next to where she laid.
Its face never illuminated.
It’s vibrations never made noise against the plastic surface.
It began.
Starting from the heart and leaking to her brain.
Then to the rest.
It was then that pain surged through my entirety.
No.
Not me.
She.

But then it rang, though her ears were suspicious of her mind’s tricks.
She fumbled to press the green colored button.
Nearly found death again in hearing his velvet voice.
Difference: A girl’s metaphorical death.
But he had nothing to say.
He had better things to do.
Busy.
After a brief thirty seconds she quickly remembered she was alive.
Same: A human’s alive.
The cold sound of disconnection sent chills down her spine.
It consumed me.
No.
Not me.
She.

Tears trickled from those brown eyes.
Never seemed to cease.
Why couldn’t those in white coats drug her for this pain?
Eventually her body began to heal itself.
She still left that cold, four walled room in pain.
She continued to cry but tears no longer dampened her chocolate cheeks.
Saddened because I saw my worth.
No
Not me.
She.

Hurt but it couldn’t be real.
Heart hung by love’s noose.
Sure her soul will die.
When she sees she
is me.

-JessicaLynn

<3 ::LOVE BURGLAR:: <3

“Perfection” begins to vanish right before my very eyes.
Painted on my face is a portrait of trepidation
& though dismay runs through my entirety, I can only gawk.
As deep as the desire runs within me to reach out and stop
what is being played out in slow motion on my life’s screen,
A thick rope has my hands bound behind my back.
The gag stuck in my mouth violently yells
“You don’t have a voice in the matter”.
Slowly and peculiarly, Burgled of love.
-JessicaLynn

:: MUTE & DEAD AiR ::

The mute button is abruptly pressed.
Without the sound track, the silence blares.
Who honestly appreciated the mushy love songs anyways?
My hand isn’t raised.
The tuneless video replays in the 3D I-Max of my mind
Presenting: “The Deepest Running Love”
But the images are almost haunting without the audio
The system is broken but fixable
Unfortunately I’m the only being with the tools at my finger tips.
I frantically fumble with them, unsure how to put them to use.
No degree in love mechanics...
P.S: I lied, my hand was always lowest & went unseen.
But raised.
My feet tapped & heart fluttered to the sound of the 808 beat.
-JessicaLynn

i <3 JEREMY SCOTT?

[[::Make My Fingers Itch::]]

DETAiLS iN THE FABRiC MAKE ME PANiC

Underneath the starlit sky I lay against a cold concrete slab and day dream, gazing off into the distance. I figured the blistering cold would somehow numb the feelings that my heart sends directly from its center to my mind but they cease to whisper secrets in one others ears. I take a drag of the cigarette dangling from my finger tips and it's end seems like the only illuminated entity within a couple mile radius. As the smoke ascends, his name somehow appears within the haze, forcing me to slowly abrade my betraying eyes. At once the illusion disappears. [[Sigh of Relief]] I sluggishly make my way back into the abode that serves as my temporary dwelling and press the dull colored triangle pointed upward, just to the right of the gleaming silver doors. [[DING]] The doors separate and I enter, wishing it's purpose was to transport me to a more significant destination, perhaps closer to him, rather than a couple floors higher. Nonetheless, they close behind me. I slump in the corner & nothing comes to mind except his eyes meeting my gaze, his soft lips gracing mine, or the love that lives within me for him & only him. Minutes lapse. My eyes soften and he vividly appears before me in his one adorable plaid shirts that he knows I unexplainably love on his slim frame. He strokes my cheek, and he silently mouths that he loves me. He disappears. I reach out into the space but only air meets my hands. [[FALSE REALITY]] My eyes open, only to realize that none of the gadgets or buttons in the cold rectangular box have been pressed nor illuminated. I shake my head & reach out to click number two. The doors open and I exit. As expected, the thoughts do not.

<3 LOVE OF HiS TREAD <3

The recognizable crowd composed of void faces stands before me
Though there is no exchange of words, what lies in their eyes is louder than any expression possibly produced by their voice boxes.
I indolently turn to walk away, taking several small paces.
After so many, I discretely peer over my shoulder, yearning for them to have scattered and disappeared into the night.
Yet there they are.
They follow me as if collectively they are my shadow, moving as one completely uncommunicative body.
I remain composed.
Paces eventually transition to immeasurable miles of journey.
With another peer I understand.
There they are. Just as they once were, with the same power in their eyes from introduction.
Composition vanishes.
I separate my lips to release the indignation but nothing but silence seeps.
The speed of my footsteps rapidly increases but no solution is found there.
Like I said: A shadow, No MY shadow
They see something that doesn’t exist within my mind but I don’t have the nerve to tell them I haven’t lost the answers.
I haven’t yet found them.
I find the heart to utter the truth to myself; Only in a whisper.
At once the silence is shattered.
A figure emerges from the darkness, and though his footstep only create a pitter patter sound, they seem like complete racket through the silence.
Pleasant racket.
Taking my hand he acknowledges the crowd.
They nod, unexplainably smiling as they do.
The warmth of his face ignites a feeling of comfort within me.
He swiftly bends down and whispers in my ear and I almost lose the words on account of the velvet tone in each word.
“You haven’t found it, have you?”
I reply with a simple shake of my head to the right then to the left.
“And they think you have.”
In embarrassment, my head drops. Eyes on the frigid ground.
He smiles and whispers in my ear once more
“Neither have I”
My gaze quickly jumps to meet his. I replicate the warm smile he began our seconds long relationship with.
He begins to stroll and I follow, hand still bound to his.
I peer once more over my shoulder.
There they are.
Still.
I smile once more and turn around, contented by the pitter patter of his footsteps.
-JessicaLynnWixx

BAND-AiD EXPlORATiON

All things happen for a reason. Individuals stumbling in and out of your life serves as no exception. Often times they allow you to comprehend things that you were once unable to understand when blinded by the illusions you could have sworn were reality. [[Magic Show]] Even more importantly, they may force you to take off a blind fold even when your fists are clenched so tightly around the fabric due to fear of seeing what's on the other side of the opaque material. But even when forced, it's possible to appreciate taking a glance at the truth. Recently a soul came back into my life & did just this. I must admit that his emergence was quite a pleasant and refreshing one. Knocking on my life's door, he reminded me of a salesman in the back of my mind. Charming & brilliant at his job. [[Successful Business Man]] He sold me on the idea that I am worth more than what others in my world are offering me. I've settled for insufficient. Now I see. Senses sharpened. Sometimes the hardest thing we're capable of is letting something go that's only weakening us. With all your heart you wish that you will wake up & discover the weakener has instantly changed. [[Fairy Tale Solution]] Unfortunately, life doesn't quite work that way. At least most of the time It doesn't. I guess I'm now in search of the band-aid, preparing to let go of him understanding he'll inevitably take a piece of my heart with him.

OH AMERiCA: GUNs OVER GAYs?

The idiots unfortunately never cease to amaze me. More than ever before, it appears that people are incapable of keeping their mindless comments to themselves. What ever happened to that good ol' saying " THINK before you speak." [[ Virtually Nonexistent ]] So today I walk into the "Diversity Center" [[ in quotes for a number of reasons ]] & I caught the tail end of a conversation that I wish I hadn't. A certain someone [[ Yes i'll spare this idiot his identity ]] explained, " ALL HOMOSEXUALS ARE GOING TO HELL". Does anyone know of any time machine manufacturers? In that instance, I wanted nothing more than to hop in one, travel back to five minutes prior and enter the room three minutes after I initially had. All I could manage to initially utter was "repeat that?" Of course he had no shame in his comment so the words full heartedly seaped from his mouth once more.
The last word trickled out in slow motion, every word articulated perfectly, in a voice that the devil himself would possess. Rage ran through my entirety and in the next instance I was quickly moving towards him, with the coldest eyes. He returned my glance with an expression of complete misunderstanding. [[ Figures ]] I then quickly punched him directly in the mouth and walked away. I had no words for him. He just had to be punished for his stupidity and though majority of the time I am opposed to offering physical consequences it's simply what it came to. I was unafraid of what was to come next but to my surprise he stood there, like an inanimate object that was never set to life by Cinderellas fairy god mother. So I walked away, no swaggered and chuckled that I got to play [[PuNiShEr]]. Mission Accomplished.
Okay so in real life I looked at him like I had lost all sanity and expressed that I really didn't have time to waste arguing with him about his stupidity. I knew that bothering to do so would only lead to me upsetting myself because he just wouldn't get it. He wouldn't WANT to get it. I walked away & let him continue being the closed minded imbecile that he is.
I just don't understand where he got off saying that. I was unaware that he was deemed "GOD" and could pass that judgement. People's interpretation of religion baffles me. The majority of enragement came from the fact that he figured that people of homosexual orientation choose to be that way. In today's world, who in their right mind would CHOOSE homosexuality. My hand certainly isn't raised. I'm convinced that if other people saw their peers being killed due to the lifestyle, they would switch it off. [[ Abruptly wouldn't be fast enough ]] People don't wake up one day in the midst of their childhood and decide this is the way they want to be. They just are. Lack of respect for them only makes the prejudice appear out of touch with human nature. Try opening your mind? [[Amusing: Everyone has a mind but not all indviduals have the ablity to think. ]] Perhaps "GOD" created homosexuality and different sexual orientations for purposes of diversity. Makes the world a little more interesting. [[Sleep on it...Dare someone to challenge it]]

P.S: You know we live in a backwards society when we are more comfortable seeing two men holding guns than holding hands.

+- OPPOSiTES ATTRACT -+

Walking down the street, I stumbled over love but I simply continued towards my destination. I walked right past, not even peering over my shoulder to get a second glimpse because I was a little shaken up & embarrassed. I'd nearly fallen. How rude. But they say if it's meant to be then you'll inevitably find your self smack dab on your face.[[ Fate ]] So here I stand. Or should I say, so here I lie. My face just recently mopped the sidewalk. Falling in love is a bitter sweet sentiment. I love a boy. I love to love him but he is presently hurting me. This is clear to both of us. I think feelings are mutual but let's just say we handle things quite differently. [[Opposites Attract]] In order to ensure that I don't hurt him he has cut me off. Neglected communication. He makes me suffer to prove my feelings for him. I call knowing that he won't pick up, but yearn to hear his voice so I settle for his voicemail. I am slave. My heart is tortured but I unexplainably don't wish to free myself from his love shackles. I endure. You might wonder: " What if this asshole ends up putting you through all this and not wanting you in the end?" Getting a taste of this type of love for someone is worth every bit of hurt. [[Insanity]] But how would we know the pleasures of life without the pain?

WiKiD KiD

[[Preface]] In my attempts to express this idea I find it most important to clarify that I am a realist, not a pessimist; these are quite different. [[Nonetheless]] The world is an evil place. Man makes it that way. Creator or Force made it that way. My thinking is strangely cyclical when it comes to criticizing the planet I call home. Just when I've become convinced that this isn't the case, I come to my senses & am jolted back to reality. Some outside force always taps me on the shoulder shaking it's head from right to left, reminding me that this undoubtedly isn't the case. [[Voluntary & Temporary Ignorance]]. I would probably be better off entranced by the idea that people are naturally ethical & it is only circumstances that demoralize them. Unfortunately that's apparently not the case. Strangely I feel as though the good is only a product of suppressing the bad. We have instances where we gain the power to overcome our natural demise. The black & white article I pick up each morning [[Oh yes, Newspaper]] only helps to strengthen my thoughts about human corruption. Though debating the very idea as to whether we are created like this by nature is entertaining, what is of greater amusement is to fathom the consequences if the world & it's beings were created completely differently. One simple alteration would dramatically change the dynamic of every relationship that we have to everything and everyone. [[What if the concept and sentiment of competitionwas non existent?]] Would all of our world's problems be solved?